Star For A Day
Sure Know Something….
I don’t expect that I’m the first person to have run a marathon in KISS
makeup; I’m just the first person I know of.
Honestly, I confess to hoping that I am the first, and because my
internet research on the subject turned up nothing, I’m going to presume I may
be the first to at least admit to
having done it. Make sense? This may, in fact, be original research that
you’re reading.
So, why on earth would anyone want to wear
KISS makeup while, of all things, running a marathon? Good question. I wish I had a good answer. Truth is, I think it’s a manifestation of the
peanut butter cup phenomenon. You may
recall the old television commercial in which one person who loves peanut
butter collides with another who loves chocolate. Bam!
The peanut butter cup is born.
Well, in my case, it’s less profound:
I’m a KISS fan and a marathon nut.
Two obsessions thusly converged.
I first recall having the idea about a year before I did it. It was during the aftermath of the 1st
annual Salt Lake City Marathon in April 2004 and I was observing all the
publicity bestowed on the race. I
wondered how fun it would be to stick out from the crowd in a way that my race
performances would never allow me. I
hadn’t yet had my fifteen minutes of fame, and felt it was my turn. If I was going to be a purple cow, I had to
do it based upon something other than performance. Now, I don’t want you to think that I walk
these darn races, but let’s face it; a 3:10 – 3:30 marathon time – my range for
the past few years -- was not going to get me in the papers. I had to think differently. Selecting face makeup as the gimmick of
choice was natural once I’d thought about the aforementioned KISS
fixation.
After the makeup epiphany, the next decision was to choose a
marathon. Here in
I suspected that the temperature,
while always critical for marathon runners, would be even more so when in
makeup. My hunch was that wearing face
makeup would be like obstructing a car’s radiator with a thermal blanket – the
car’s going to run a little hotter than normal.
All the more reason to choose a marathon which promised a more mild
temperature than any of the other candidates.
That sealed the deal. I was going
to run the Salt Lake City Marathon wearing KISS makeup.
Great Expectations…
As April 23rd, 2005 approached, I began to get apprehensive
about the whole idea. It wasn’t, as you
may think, the fear of others’ reactions.
Rather, it was the trepidation that I may have a literal and/or figurative
meltdown if the heat was more of a problem than I’d anticipated. As I’ve already said, my research turned up
no clues as to what to expect.
Ultimately, it wasn’t until I watched the weather report the night
before that I decided to go for it. I’d
been promised an overcast sky, a mild breeze and cool temperatures from a meteorologist
who is correct nearly 50% of the time.
On race day, I awoke at 2:00 AM, about 2 hours earlier than I normally
would for a 7:00 AM race. Right off the
bat I realized that putting on clown paint in the wee hours is an entirely
different experience. Nonetheless, two
hours later, the makeup was on, and it looked quite good if I do say so
myself. Except for one problem: the star
was on the wrong eye! If you are a KISS
fan, I’m sure you already detected this in the photo nearby. Paul Stanley would have been appalled. How could I have made this mistake? I always thought I knew Paul Stanley’s makeup
well enough that I could put it on in my sleep…until I actually tried doing
just that. My only defense is that I had
looked in the mirror and the star was going on the right eye – which, of
course, was reversed in the mirror.
Well, it was now after 4:00 AM and much too late to correct my
misplaced star, so I awakened my wife, Sarah.
She had agreed to “set” the makeup, which, I’m told, is theater parlance
for applying face powder to the makeup so that it won’t easily smudge. She obliged me and I was on my way to board
Trax, the local name for our light rail system.
I arrived at the station and waited anxiously in my car until a few
moments before the train was to have arrived.
I was dressed in throw-away clothes, with my racing shorts
underneath. I’m sure the other
passengers-in-waiting were wondering why a homeless person would put on
Japanese kabuki makeup. Once I boarded,
I was greeted to the cheers, jeers and perhaps a few expletives from the
passengers, most of whom were destined for the race starting line. Many of the runners were, in fact, members of
my running club, of which I am the club president this year. Segue here for a moment: If you are ever in the greater
Psycho Circus…
The marathon committee had gone all
out to both promote this event and give it a “big city marathon” feeling. Joan Benoit Samuelson was even on hand to
start the race. The starting line was a
frenzied mass of shivering runners…which I took as a good sign since heat exposure
was clearly my biggest concern. The
temperature was somewhere in the low 50s, and I felt much more confident that I
could actually pull this thing off. For
the first time, I felt an emotional equilibrium -- I was equally concerned
about dehydration and smudged makeup.
We lined up at the start, just north of the Olympic bridge, anxiously
awaiting the gun. I had exchanged my
hobo clothing for a large garbage bag which I planned to discard after the
first mile or so. I was about 30 seconds
away from the starting line when the gun went off, but as we were using timing
chips, I could saunter toward the threshold.
For the moment, I really was just another face in the crowd, which is
the antithesis of what someone in face paint expects. But, my anonymity was short-lived. Soon the
crowd thinned out and my garish stunt was in full view of the spectators. Now, I’m sure a mile-by-mile account of the
race would become boring more quickly than the makeup began to itch (which was
almost immediately), so I’ll just say that the crowd response was enthusiastic
when it wasn’t confused. I could pretty
much guess the age of the person by his or her reaction. Anyone who grew up in the 70’s got “it”. They knew what I was up to.
The heat was not the problem I expected it; but that is not to say the
heat was not an issue. The day had given
me picture-perfect marathon weather.
Another 10 degrees warmer would have made a world of difference. As it was, I estimate I ran the race about 10
minutes slower than I otherwise would have were it not for the makeup.
Lick It Up…
Would I do it again? Perhaps.
Once is a novelty. Twice is a cry
for help. It was nice to be a purple cow
for a day, but I’m not sure I would want my reputation hinging solely on a
single stunt.
Kent C. Griffiths
Kent is a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™
practitioner in Sandy,